Our goal as parents is to raise humans that we want to hang out with one day. Raising good humans takes effort and prioritizing. How well do we know our children? Do we know childhood development age appropriate behavioral expectations? Are we prioritizing the physical and mental health of these little people that we are responsible for? The first step in influencing intrinsic growth is observation and research. Invest the time to know what triggers behavior both positive and negative. Invest time in your child.
If facilitating the development of our children is our priority, certain behavioral boundaries cannot be compromised. In fact, if we allow specific behaviors to occur, they can, in fact become part of the perceived personality of our children well into adulthood.
1. Respect. Model respect by using positive dialogue and kindness. If your child is disrespectful to you, be mindful of the tone and word choice that you use to correct behaviors. Respect is essential to positive personality development. Respect your children and expect respect from them.
2. Determine if your child’s disobedience is for control or manipulation. It is no fun to do things you do not want to do. Yet, as functioning humans, it is necessary. Make sure that your child understands that the feelings they are experiencing can be valid, yet the decision to obey is mandatory. Model this by obeying traffic rules, respecting people in positions of authority, and communicating the laws in your community.
3. Temper tantrums are completely normal for a two year old. They are assessing their boundaries in order to determine what emotions you feel are acceptable and which exhibition of these emotions will be tolerated by you. Completely and developmentally appropriate behavior. Use these situations to communicate the message that you want them to receive. If a nine year old is having a disrespectful temper tantrum it is because they have learned that it is OK. It is not too late to redefine those boundaries. This is not developmentally appropriate behavior. Correct it.
4. Bullying happens when your words or actions cause repeated negative impact on the physical or emotional health of someone other than yourself. The predecessor of bullying behavior is judgment and lack of emotional control. The environmental definition of what you see as good, bad, and acceptable comes from your parenting culture. This is where you come in. EDUCATE yourself and your child. Embrace difference. Learn about diversity. Research cultures other than your own. Teach your child that we are all unique and that is our superpower. If we model acceptance, kindness, and love then our children will know just how important understanding and difference is.
5. Lying and utilizing creativity are different. Developmentally speaking, when a preschool aged child tells us a story full of creativity it is important that we listen and define it. “That was a wonderful story.” When a seven year old fails to admit that they were at fault when a poor choice was made, it is just as important that we define it. “That is not true.” Imagination is precious. Dishonesty is not. Know the difference. Teach the difference.
6. Success gained through hard work and perseverance promotes intrinsic growth. Success gained through cheating and dishonesty does not. Teach your children to lose just are graciously as they win. You should be a respectful winner. You should also be a respectful loser.
7. When a child believes that they are special because of extrinsic things, then extrinsic things define them. If their perceived worth is associated with things beyond their control, then they miss the opportunity to value inner development. Uncontrollable things for a child such as their house, their car, their toys, their clothing, their hair style, or their body type should not build their confidence. Good character is a much more redeemable trait. Accentuate the things the choices that are within the control of your child developmentally.
Parenting is the most important thing you will do. The most impactful daily decisions that you will make. The absolutely most rewarding, challenging, and worthwhile investment that you will ever make. These years will go by quickly. These parenting choices will remain.
You got this.
Love, Ms. Holly
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